DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN

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“She’s fighting me, and I’m like: I’m telling you the truth, I swear to God, stop it. She hits me a couple more times, and it doesn’t go from translation: sit down, I’m trying to tell you the truth. It goes to: now I’m finna be me, and be evil... She tried to kick me... and I really hit her, with a closed fist, I punched her. When I saw it, I was in shock, I was like, fuck, why did I hit her. She spit blood in my face – and it raised me even more ... She grabbed my nuts, and I bit her arm, I look back at that picture and I’m just like: that’s not me. I hate it to this day – that’s going to haunt me forever’’.- Chris Brown on physically assaulting Rihanna (The Guardian, 2017)

Without doubt, the issue of domestic violence has turned out to be a trending topic globally, it could be physical, emotional, mental or psychological. Most couples fail to maintain the love tempo they had prior marriage, some families from day one of matrimony start having problems that could result to domestic violence against the husband or wife. Some families in the long run retrace their steps and build a happy home, while most families end up in a regrettable manner. In times past, domestic violence was mostly viewed as men perpetrated act, but that is not the case in recent times. As the globe progresses, it is becoming clearer that both the masculine and feminine genders suffer this problem. Domestic violence can be attributed to factors like absence of love in marriages, masculine superior mentality, and extreme feminism, there are numerous factors though.

The major reason why couples would abuse each other physically, emotionally or psychologically is absence of love in a marital engagement because the word LOVE entails a lot. Love involves trust, understanding, sacrifices, and patience among others. Unfortunately, most marriages lack love owing to the fact that people most times look aside love and concentrate on money (especially women), societal status, or even parental pressure. Women prefer to go for wealthy men and the response usually is ‘’my future and that of my kids is protected,’’ LIE. Some lazy men look out for wealthy widows, financially buoyant women, or retired rich prostitutes that would fatten their pockets and uplift them from poverty. Some individuals consider their societal status and go for their class, little wonder politicians in my country ensure their offspring marry on political lines, that is also why we have numerous celebrities failed marriages. People prefer to live in marital agony just to protect their ego, which is totally dumb.

"I saw my mother battered and beaten many years of my life and I felt helpless. And that's what connects me to this organization [the Jenesse Center, a national domestic violence prevention and intervention organization],I have an understanding, a knowing. I feel like I have something that I can impart to these women. It seems like I've overcome it, but I really haven't. In the quiet of my mind, I still struggle. So, while I'm helping these women, I'm helping myself through it, too. And that's largely while I'm here." - Halle Berry (Lindsey Fries, spoonuniversity.com, 2017)

Masculine superior mentality is a big problem especially in Africa, this is because western countries have strong laws hindering partners from physically assaulting each other which only minimizes the act. In Africa, most men physically abuse their wives and when you hear them defending their act, you cannot help but get disgusted. I have heard men make statements like ‘’I am a man and she is just a woman, I had to teach her a lesson so she would stop disrespecting me,’’ statements like ‘’she must bow to me,’’ your hear excuses like ‘’our tradition permits me to treat her as I wish because I paid her bride price.’’ It is so bad that men get away with their actions because there are no strict laws on physical abuse against women or men. Women on the other hand can be quite annoying with their choice of words, they make statements that challenge masculine ego like ‘’useless man,’’ when the man is financially poor you hear some of their wives say ‘’go and make money like other men so you can earn my respect.’’ A real man does not hit his woman and a real woman does not challenge the ego of her man. Men and women have to reciprocate respect towards their spouses and others.

                                          Daily telegraph,2016

Feminism is a great idea but is crazy when its extreme. Women hurt their men emotionally by failing to live up to responsibilities at home because they have to work and make more money than their husbands, so they can command their homes. It is not a bad idea if a woman earns more than her husband but things go wrong when she fails to be submissive. Nature has placed men slightly above women and marital union can only work when both genders play their roles effectively. Some women under the platform of feminism fail to help their husbands build their homes and when things fall apart, they rant on social media platforms on how their husbands are terrible, they further instigate other women to do public protest towards fighting domestic violence, this is peculiar to female celebrities. Men also hurt their women emotionally through infidelity and failing to assist in domestic chores, leading to stress and psychological breakdown.

                                           Pitribe.com

Conclusively, the problem of domestic violence can be curbed when people start thinking right by doing away with beliefs that hamper matrimony. Men and women should build relationships before thinking about marriage so both partners can know each other. I strongly advice couples to quit marriages that threaten to cut their lives short if all efforts to save the marriage prove useless. I have seen women that endure marital pains because of ‘’till death do us part,’’ I trust death to do that effectively. There are men that equally suffer because of vows made at the altar. We only live once, we have to make the best out of it, CHOOSE THE RIGHT PARTNER.