RAPE AND CHILD ABUSE: CORRECTING SOCIETAL MYTHS AND PERCEPTIONS
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| Photo credit: thenationonlineng.net |
This
write up is dedicated to Ochanya Elizabeth Ogbaje (pictured above), a
13-year-old Nigerian girl that died as a result of sex abuse by her 52-year-old
uncle and his son for five years. She was diagnosed of Vesicovaginal fistula
(VVF) and other health complications.#JusticeForOchanya#ISupportJusticeForOchanya
‘’O boy you be fuck
up, you see opportunity you no use am, you for carry am go house go fuck am,
you leave am she waka free, you be mumu, see free fuck wey you miss.’’
The quote above can easily be
understood by fellow Nigerians because it is written in Pidgin English popular
among Nigerians and some parts of Africa. For my readers around the globe, it
can be paraphrased as ‘’Boy, you messed up, you lost an opportunity, you could
have taken her home and slept with her, but you let her go free, you are a fool,
you just lost an opportunity to free sex.’’
Above
were the words of a neighbor during my undergraduate days after narrating a
story to him which I will share in this post. I cannot recall the date but it
was late that night (about 11:45pm) at Odim Gate, a small community around
University of Nigeria, Nsukka Campus (I lived in this community as a student).
It had rained heavily that evening and I was in a friend’s house about 20
seconds walk from mine, it was now drizzling when I noticed a young pretty lady
and without staring much at her, I found out she was clueless. She was lonely,
trying to find her way home amidst palm trees which surrounded the community
and the darkness (trust the poor power supply in Nigeria). Gorgeous with looks
but feeling extremely insecure that night, when she saw me coming out of my
friend’s room to clean up some stuff, she did not hesitate and headed towards
my direction, I was admiring how beautiful she looked but wondering why she was
walking all alone in the middle of the night in such scary place. Stuttering,
she asked ‘’please how can I get to the gate,’’ I tried to direct her but the
look on her face suggested she needed more than direction. I reached out to my
friend and asked her to follow me accompany the stranger to the gate but she
bluntly refused and suggested I make sure no harm gets to her torchlight which
I was to use to see off the helpless lady while it was still drizzling and the
soil all muddy due to the rain.
Was
I scared? I could not tell because I knew I would not forgive myself if the
next morning I hear people talk about someone raped at midnight or if her
corpse was found the next morning due to severe injury from rape. I knew there
were lots of wolves out there that night seeking a prey, my bid to help did not
also make me loose sight of the fact that she could equally be dangerous, using
her beauty to lure me out for attack, either way, I reasoned to myself that
positive thinking permits us to do the unthinkable and take risks mindless of
the outcome, I also have this conviction that each time I do what my heart
feels is correct, I will hardly fail or get wounded. While I saw her off to the
gate, I asked ‘’why did you decide to leave at such odd hour, you could have
waited till morning,’’(I asked because I felt I had the right to, owing to the
circumstances), and she replied ‘’I need to do something important at home
tonight and the rain prevented me from leaving earlier.’’ I was not convinced
with her reply because what could be more important than her life? I breath a
sigh of relief when we got to the gate and I waved her goodbye and headed back
home. My friend sarcastically hailed me a hero and ended up advising me to mind
my business so I would not get into trouble someday, I remembered settling her
displeasure by teasing her about something I cannot remember because there was
no way she would accept or understand my explanation as to why I lent a helping
hand to the lady. After sharing this
story to a neighbour the next morning, all he could come up with was the quote
above, I was shocked at his dumbness, that was someone in his early 20s, I hope
he has changed but I seriously doubt.
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| Photo credit; vanguardngr.com |
The issue of rape is not specific
to any region or continent, it is global. Men and women are raped everyday in
different parts of the world. Facts from the National Sexual Violence Resource
Center in the United States note that one in five women and one in 71 men will
be raped at some point in their lives and that, 91% of victims of rape and
sexual assault are female, and nine percent are male (in the United States).
Also, 34% of people who sexually abuse a child in the United States are family
members of the child. (NSVRC, 2018) These statistics might not be same in every
part of the world but it is certain that women are mostly victims of rape and
child sexual abuse. There are myths associated with rape that perpetrators use
to defend their act.
The belief that a woman or girl’s
style of dressing is the reason they were raped is crazy, people (religious
fanatics especially) defend rape on the basis that the victim was dressed half
or almost naked, tempting men or man who eventually raped her, they forget that
the rapist or rapists lacked self-control, they do not want to emphasize sex
addiction as reason for raping a girl or woman dressed attractive or even sexy
to show off how pretty she looks as we all do. The victim takes the blame,
added to the psychological effect of self-blame that most rape victims face. A
rapist should be held accountable for his actions, the victim should be saved
the psychological stress.
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| Photo credit: shutterstock.com |
Also, people ask certain
questions after a rape incident like ‘’what was she doing at a club”? They ask
‘’what she was doing in his place at such hour?’’ The dumbest of all is ‘’she
enjoyed it and is claiming he forced himself on her.’’ A club house is
incomplete when you do not have men and women dancing to hits the Disk Jockey
(DJ) is playing, why would a sensible man or woman question what a girl was
doing at a club house because she was raped there. Few months back, popular
Nigerian artiste Flavour did a show in Enugu state, Nigeria and it was reported
that a lot of girls were raped, I was angry at some comments made. People
claiming self-righteousness asked what some of the victims were doing at the
event and I always did not hold back my insultive response to such questions
though I make amends later and try to correct such perceptions. It was wrong to
blame any of those girls, Flavour did not reserve the show for men or boys, why
would the victims be at the receiving end of criticism? Further, blaming a girl
for visiting a guy or staying late in his place as reason for rape is
nonsensical, she was at his place because she trusted him for her security but
his erection got over his manliness and he lost control and the victim takes
the blame, that is rubbish. In the end, the rapist claims she enjoyed it while
in the real sense she had no choice because resisting could make the man turn
so violent leading to injuries in her vagina and other sensitive parts of her body.
When you try to sleep with a girl and she says no despite all the attempts you
have made, let her be, make sure you do not forcefully penetrate her vagina
with your penis, that is RAPE.
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| Photo credit: reckontalk.com |
Men also suffer rape. When he is
drunk and you take advantage of him, that is rape. Some women threaten men with
guns and force them to erection after tying them up or making them loose the
power to fight back. The disheartening part of men being sexually abused by
women is the fact that people laugh it off and ask if he truly was raped or
seized the opportunity to enjoy himself. Sex is a two-way thing, both parties
should mutually agree, when he or she is doing it out of fear, it is no good.
Men are equally raped by gays, it is something shy to tell the public, that is
the major reason victims keep such problems to themselves.
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| Photo credit: reckontalk.com |
This is because, you have to stop the practice of raping same gender, plus quit gay practice, it really is a difficult one, you need all the help you can get from a psychologist, spiritualists, motivational speakers and all forms of aid you can think of. In as much as I do not support gay practice, homosexuals have willing partners, why would you go ahead to rape an innocent individual? Another point to note is the fact that raping a fellow gay is incorrect, all sexual practice must be mutual, else it becomes rape, lesbians are not excluded.
Child
sexual abuse is the ugliest of them all. A young girl is abused by a close
family relation or a stranger just because she is encountering growth of her
sexual organs at an early age or because of some crazy phrase ‘’catch
them young.’’ A young boy is abused by an older woman who takes advantage of
his poor sex orientation. Either way, child sexual abuse does great harm
especially to the girl-child, some of them end up with uncontrollable urge for
sex not minding the partner. For the boy-child, he could end up having hatred
for women if not treated properly. A child abused sexually could develop a negative view about life and this could hunt him/her for their lifetime.
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| Photo credit: premiumtimesng.com |
The story of Ochanya Elizabeth(you can google it) served as the motivation for this write up. One cannot help but imagine what she faced for five years and could not speak up, nights she could not sleep due to pains or fear of what she would go through from her uncle or his son, days she was reserved to herself due to the feeling of insecurity, she had no one to explain to for these five years she was abused, the mental stress and psychological disorder, yet her uncle and his son were hell bent on ruining the young woman's future, dreams and aspirations. Ochanya encountered what most of us cannot go through. The world still does not know how many children suffer from same scenario as Ochanya, but we can support victims noticed and ensure justice is served.
It all started in 2013 when I came to live with my mother's sister in Ugbokolo because there was no school in my village... When I was eight years old, the son started sleeping with me and when his sister caught him, she reported him to their father and the father scolded him...From there, the father also started sleeping with me.''- Ochanya Elizabeth (Pulse.ng, 2018).
Conclusively, rapists should make
a turn and repent from the act, there is always room to make amends. There are
brothels that one can pay very cheap for sex, patronize prostitutes instead of
raping an innocent young woman and cause her feel less. For women that rape
men, please use your looks to attract men willing to go down with you. For
rapists that do the act due to psychological issues, visit a psychologist and
put effort, it is never easy to break from an addiction but it is worth it when
you defeat your addiction. #JusticeForOchanya
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